I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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