it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
