he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
