You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
