you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
