You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i already hear my dad disowning me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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