Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
