When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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