mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
