honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
His nipple licking is glorious
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