He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
