i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
