Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
