just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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