You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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