you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
