I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
