you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
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