i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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