he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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