is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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