Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Houston, we have a blender
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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