I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
