take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
