Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
