OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize