Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am available for nakedness
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
