the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize