i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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