I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dignity is for republicans.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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