i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
