There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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