Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
