david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
