Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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