apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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