what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
