Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
