I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
