dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
