I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
