on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
