pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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