McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
