I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
