Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
