So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
