I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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