Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sober January is a disaster.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
