We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Couch. On fire.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
