sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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