there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
