I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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