it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
