worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we're making bets on your personal life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
