i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
