He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
