Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
