Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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