Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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