I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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