She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
