U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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