I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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