Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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