Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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