Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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