The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
