yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
