i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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