taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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