The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
