Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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