Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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