we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize