people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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