I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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