Is it because I queefed?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
