This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
