Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
